Norman Reedus: Make the worst vigilante film ever? No doubt, broski.
Boondock Saints
Mite as well get this one out of the way first, since I'm sure by bashing on this movie I've already made all two readers mad. Let me give you some history so you know where I was coming from, going into this movie. Keep in mind I didn't see this movie in the theaters, two of my friends said "Dude, better than Reservoir Dogs!" and invited me to watch it and one of their houses. During the entire movie I was so fucking bored, I checked my phone for texts twice a minute, and every time I got one, I gave the most in depth answers humanly possible.
i.e "lulz fer sers?"
With that said, I didn't pay the least bit amount of attention my first watch, because this movie was so. fucking. dull.
After the movie was over my two friends eagerly awaited my reaction, immediately assuming that I'd think it was a fucking masterpiece in artistic accomplishment, and would put Troy Duffy right up there with Kubrick, Carpenter, and Francis Ford Coppola as one of the best directors ever. Well to their disappointment I responded "Kinda lame."
One of my friends accepted my opinion, but the other just couldn't understand it. He seriously thought that it was humanly impossible to dislike this movie. So he lent me his copy of the DVD and told me to watch it with full investment, and concentration. I reluctantly agreed, knowing full well that I still probably wouldn't like it by the end of the day.
After getting "invested" (that's charitable) into this movie I started to hate this film. This, by no means, is a vigilante film. Oh, it tries to be, but it fails trepicly*. This movie is about two fucking serial killers, who claim to be justifying their acts in the name of god. I do want to point that this plot would've worked if these characters weren't fucking psychopaths. The obviously enjoy doing what they do. They make it very clear. Hell this plot would've worked better if the killers were Shirley and Fred Phelps.
*trepic means triple the epic
This film defines pretentious. It should be listed in the thesaurus as a synonym for grandiloquent. This film is over stylized to the point that it passes any point of hilarity but instead goes into and eye-rolling fest every other scene. "Lets kill people! FOR THE ALL MIGHTY LORD!".... "Hey dad, hows it rolling, wanna go kill people, that is not in our jurisdiction to judge?".... "So people here at this court, we are going to kill this man who has just been proven innocent, to make an example. Then disappear for a decade and reappear in a shittier squeal!" I know that was very juvenile, but they attempt to pass the aforementioned lines (the lines are essentially abridged scenes) with god chorus', random instances of black and white, and of course; slo-mo. There is even a scene when it's in slo-mo and a god chorus is picking up while Willem DaFoe shoots his gun in the air for no fucking reason. Troy Duffy, you aren't Tarantino, stop lying to your self.
But, you know, being a convoluted "dynamic" story based around religion, you'd think the themes would be everywhere, naturally sprinkled into the film. And you'd be wrong. This film forces the religion element down your throat. You could have easily made this movie about two hitmen- oh wait, that was Pulp Fiction, a far better film than this movie is. But aside from that, you can tell the religion is force fed to you with a shovel. Outside of them placing coins on people's eyes (in slo-mo, in black and white, god chorus playing) and staying in one stationary spot and just shooting everybody, these characters make the most inane jokes imaginable.
The tone, for the most apart, is all over the place. This movie wants to lay stress on its dramatic scenes by having light hearted comedy sprinkled in. This could work (and has worked in films like The Goodfellas) however, having a limp wristed homosexual man in drag make out with a criminal in the building climax of the movie kills tension quickly. Also, the cat scene (a touching scene where a a couple of friends almost bond over a dead cat), is supposed to be something like a joke, but then turns into a horribly awkward scene between three somewhat empathetic characters.
The film is acted well enough, sure, but I don't care about "Murphy" or "Connor" (they have names!?) as characters. What's ironic about them is the fact that they are multilingual combat trained Irishmen who exchange friendly banter back and forth, and yet they are so fucking dull. The movie does nothing to shed insight on these character's backgrounds, or why they have the talents they do, or why they have the religious motivations. I can buy their friendship just fine, but I don't care about it.
I guess this movie was a landmark for me. This was the first time I ever had gone against the status-quo, and formed my own opinion against something that a lot of people liked. Before anyone brings up how critics disliked this movie, I didn't know that at the time. Hell, it's been so long since I raged over this movie that I don't even care what other critics have to say. For all care, they could blow smoke up this film's ass and it wouldn't make a difference. The important thing is that this movie taught me to be a cynical ass hole who never trusts the opinions of others.
Well, usually during this process I'll put my self in the shoes of a person who mite like this movie, examine their interests and mannerisms, and just kinda roll from there. But you see, this movie is a hard one for me to do that. Mostly because most people I've read/heard defending this movie are close minded ignorant jack ass (not like me, of course). So let me give a thumbs up for this movie's merits. It's better than Birdemic.... kinda.
This movie gets: 3/10
+ Willam DeFoe is fun in it.
+ Acted well.
- Horribly shot action scenes
- Dull characters
- Extremely pretentious
- Awkward tone
- Idiots like it
